Shared by a programmer named Nihad Abbasov, who codes with the name “Narkoz” on GitHub, the project named “hacker scripts” has some software scripts with funny and NSFW names.

Narkov writes that the names of the scripts came from his former co-worker who would write a program for anything that needed more than 90 seconds of his time.

After his co-worker left the job, the other people at job looked at his work and discovered that he had automated tons of things, including coffee-making, dealing with relationships, bits of his job, and more.

This script was probably for his wife to send a text message “late at work”. Hilariously, it “automatically picks reasons” from a preset list and sends it to his wife if there were “active SSH-sessions on the company server” after 9pm with his login.

The lazy programmer scanned the inbox for emails from Mr. Kumar, one of the clients, matched with keywords like “help”, “trouble”, “sorry” etc. and sent a reply “no worries mate, be careful next time”.

With this smart hacker script, the lazy programmer sent an automatic email with lines like “not feeling well/working from home” if there are no “interactive sessions on the company server at 8:45am” with his login. The email also has a random reason that was picked from a pre-defined list.

This one’s my personal favorite. This hacker script waited 17 seconds, hacks the coffee machine and asks it to brew a latte. After another 24 seconds (time taken to walk from the guy’s desk to coffee machine), it poured the coffee into a cup. “We had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs Linux and has SSHD up and running,” writes Narkov.

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